Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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