It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
