Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
