We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
