It's Friday. Sex?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
