I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
