you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
