So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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