he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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