i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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