I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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