then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
