at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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