farters have to be the big spoon...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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