Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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