at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize