i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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