Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
