1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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