My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize