Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
