sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
