Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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