I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
