why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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