3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
