just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
