I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
