oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
