yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
