Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
