I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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