We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize