Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
