did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's official drugs can't kill me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
