i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
