if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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