remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
