So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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