I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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