barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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