were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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