A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
