Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
