I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
