So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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