I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
