Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
