i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
