my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hippo gnu deer
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
40s are totally the cure
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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