he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
