just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
