Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When did angry sex become our thing?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
