The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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