Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
