my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
