So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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