apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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