I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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