What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
