I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
