This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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