Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
