I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
